Always believe in the power of L.O.V.E.

Always believe in the power of L.O.V.E.

This is for the dreamers who are told to be silent. This is for the artist who wants to be heard. This is for the girls who want to be loved.This is for the heart that wants to keep beating. This is for the living who refuse to feel weak. This is for the weak, who destined to be strong. This is for the forgotten who want to be remembered.

Weight loss journey.

My goal is to be 100 pounds.

I wish I could get to 95, but I know that is impossible.

I started at 24 to lose…

Now, I have to lose 22 pounds to get to my goal.

I hope I can do it.

Gym. Tan. Gym. Tan.

Living with tragedy.

Life is always going in motion… No matter what pace we wish for it to go, it’s always moving faster or slower than we would like… Moments like smelling a flower go to slow… while learning a relationship and love fly by too fast.. Sometimes you just want to hold someones hand one last time.. sometimes, you learn you can’t love someone new just as fast as you did the person before them.. sometimes you give someone your all, only for them to break your heart “for the best.” And sometimes, you give someone all you have to offer, and all they do is walk away without anything.. no phone call, no letter, no goodbyes.. just a clean.. break.. I wish I could tell the love of my life everything that I miss about them, I wish I could hug them, I wish I could see him smile.. hear his laugh.. and hold his hand down the streets of DC.. but, no matter how much I tell myself I will move on, and I will benefit from this.. I feel I cannot progress because this piece has been missing. I thought moving on would be difficult, and it is.. it’s not as hard as I thought it would be.. but memories always haunt me.. everyone I try to become involved with reminds me of him.. maybe it’s a scent, maybe it’s a smile, or the way they comb their hair.. maybe it’s the way they speak, or their body language. Those things pierce my heart.. and I try to life on without him in my life. But I know deep down, I will never truly move on.. I will live the rest of my days wondering.. what could have been.

July 5th 2012.

Six months ago, if you would have asked me where I saw my life going, I would have probably told you, I saw myself getting married, going back to school, settle down with the one I was deeply in love with, and reconsidering my photography career to become an english/music major. Now, on this day, July 5th 2012… I would have never seen myself crying and giving up so much for one person.. a person who doesn’t even want to be with me. A person I’ve given my all to, and shown so much compassion for, who doesn’t give me the time of day, or think twice about my feelings. I overlooked so many hurtful things because I was so emerged in love, that I didn’t care how the person treated me. But today, July 5th 2012, I am changed. This day was suppose to be a celebration… but instead, I’m mourning over the love that didn’t get away per-say, but the love that wasn’t returned like it should have been. I will move mountains to show you I love you, until I see your face, and you show me otherwise.. Today has been a roller coaster. I cried, I talked to the woman assigned to me each week, she charged me by the tear, and I rinse, I rinse… repeat.. until I weep no more, strictly out of fear, that I cannot afford your love.

I am.

I am beginning to understand the people who stay by your side are the people who take you for who you are, no matter what you do. They are your family, and true friends. You might think you know someone like the back of your hand. But ultimately, you never completely know what someone is thinking. I will always fight for what I believe in, and I will always take a stand when I believe something isn’t fair or is the wrong approach. People look down on me for it, but I have a high expectation for people and the things that happen in my life. I’m just learning there are people who deserve to be in my life, and people who don’t. I always give second and third chances, but ultimately, they shouldn’t be given as much as I do give them out… One moment I feel complete sadness, one moment, complete love and other times, I am overwhelmed with anger and confusion. It’s only my life, and I can’t help but take control even if the other person isn’t willing to contribute.

Discovered.

I just want you in my life. I just want to be discovered. Why can I not have both?

Each day.

Each day, I’m getting better.

Though I am still convinced this is right,

it means I will fight to win.

I will win.

Because I am… AWESOME.

I am mount rushmore.

I am carved from the rock of the Gods.

lol (:

Good laugh for the day.

<3

I’ve come too far.

I have come too far to just give up.

But I will wait for however long forever may be.

Slowly..

Slowly I am getting better.

I can wake up and not feel pain.

I can wake up knowing I have something big to live for.

I’m not sure what.

But I will find out someday soon. When I am younger.

Someday. But not today.

I’m left sitting here wondering if this is worth the tears. I know this is ridiculous and everyone around me keeps telling me to move on and forget about you. But you were truly special and very different than anything I will ever find in this world again. I know if I won a million dollars, I would give it up just to hear your voice.

Why?

Why does it always feel like the person you treat the best is the person who treats you the worst?

You give them everything they asked for, show them affection, and plenty of other things to express you love them, and yet, they still hurt you in the end.

We all do it… and it makes no sense why.

Every day seems to get harder, not better.

Each day I tell myself I won’t miss you, but yet, I do.

Every time I try to forget your face, something pops up.

Please feel free to give feedback!

The day you went away.

Please feel free to give me feedback:)

I’ll paint the day you walked away,

To show you are my yesterday,

A portrait made of black and blue,

To show my heart beats for you.

A loss of color, so long and near.

The colors mix within my tears.

Mixed emotions, red and white,

Remembering you held me tight.

I’ll paint the sky yellow and pink,

A calming color to make you think.

Once was bold with shaded hue,

Someday you’ll see my way was true.

And if some purple begins to leak,

The color green will start to speak.

And when the green fades to blue,

I’ll be coming back for you.